ProfileDays Under the Crescent SunPune1990s

WaheedaMiss The Mary Kom of Crescent

Broad shoulders, a hockey player’s stride, and an English teacher you did not want to make angry

She had a slight smile, a soft voice and a reading list for anyone who was struggling. She also had, as the Reindeer found out, a perfect three-punch combination.

By Vinaay Patil5 min read
Ink-and-watercolour portrait of Waheeda Miss in the 1990s: broad-shouldered, hands on her hips, hair in a neat bun, a slight confident smile, wearing a dark navy salwar kameez, standing in front of a classroom roped off like a boxing ring under a ‘Waheeda Miss’ fight banner.

WAHEEDA MISS

vs. anyone talking in class

Tale of the tape

Known as
The Mary Kom of Crescent
Subject
English (not the heavy stuff)
Build
Distinctly broad-shouldered
Previous career
Hockey player
Signature move
The three-punch combination +2
Voice when angry
Very very very very very soft
Reading list
Julius Caesar, the side-by-side edition
Tariff
Talking 5 · Copying 50
A 1990s classroom roped off like a boxing ring with red and blue corner posts, boxing gloves on a hook and a ‘Round 1’ card hanging from the ceiling. Waheeda Miss, broad-shouldered in a navy salwar kameez, stands hands on hips with a slight smile, while students in white shirts and yellow uniforms watch from their benches and a lanky boy grins nervously, rubbing his shoulder.
OverviewFight night, Class VIII English. Red corner: Waheeda Miss. Blue corner: whoever was talking.

The Poster

ten seconds of staring

When your teacher is a good six feet tall and can readily assume a boxer’s stance, the only thing you should think of is how to avoid being her punching bag.

I first wrote this in the season of sports biopics: first Milkha, then Mary Kom, and then, who knows, maybe Leander. But wait, Leander is himself an actor, so he could star in a movie about himself. But then it would be so boring. How would Leander be able to brag about how much effort he took to look like himself? After all, more than the movie, the transformation is the more talked-about event.

(Apologies: since this is a piece about an English teacher, the word “more” seems slightly out of place here, but I can’t seem to work out how.)

Anyway, I saw the poster of the Mary Kom movie. And if, like me, a true-blood Crescentian looked at it for just ten seconds, the image would transform. The gloves would go, the bare knuckles would come up, and the face would morph into that of...

Waheeda MissEnglish

Three panels of a young man with a backpack staring at a wall poster. In the first, a female boxer in red gloves under ‘Fight Harder · Champion’. In the second, the poster tears away and the gloves become bare fists and a navy dupatta. In the third, the poster reads ‘Waheeda Miss’ and shows a smiling teacher in a navy salwar kameez holding a copy of English Literature.
Fig. 1Ten seconds of staring. Champion, morphing, morphed.

The Teacher

until you get her angry

She is a tall teacher, broad, with a very unassuming smile. She teaches English: not the heavy stuff, but good, typical Indian English.

Everything is fine, until you get her ANGRY.

The Reindeer

ten stitches, no complaints

I got an idea of her boxing prowess when my friend, whom we had nicknamed the Reindeer, complained of pain in his shoulder after a boxing session.

This was coming from a person who had (accidentally) cut his arm while lifting a scooter and got ten stitches. For him to say that it hurt a lot was really something. Especially since he was saying it two days after the boxing session.

Under a tree in the school ground, a lanky, long-faced boy with big ears sits on a bench rubbing his shoulder with a pained grin while three friends lean in, amazed. In a thought cloud above him, the same boy cheerfully lifts a heavy old scooter over his head, a long stitched cut down his arm.
Fig. 2The Reindeer, two days later. Scooter: no problem. Waheeda Miss: problem.

Anatomy of a Bout

eight rounds, one lesson

A typical boxing session went like this.

Bout card · a typical session

Class in progress

The brake

Waheeda Miss sees a student talking in class while she is teaching something (always an important topic). She puts an emergency brake on her speech, and whoooom... complete silence.

The stare 0:20

The silence is dreadful. Everyone is now staring at her face, and she is staring at her target, the culprit who dared to cross the line. This lasts about twenty seconds: long enough for the target to feel her eyes burning, and the heat making him sweat profusely. You can hear his heart banging from rows away. By now you are relieved it’s not you.

Waheeda Miss, chalk in hand at the blackboard, turns and fixes a calm stare on one boy, who sweats as his heart thumps visibly through his shirt (‘thump thump thump’). A classmate holds up a ‘Round 2’ card and a stopwatch ticks towards twenty seconds.
Round 2Twenty seconds, ticking. Thump, thump, thump: and that’s only his heart.

The summons

She calls the brute to the front.

The question

As he comes up and stands beside her, she asks, very very very very very softly, “What were you doing?”

The defence

He hesitates. “Ma’am, he... I... did... he... it... book... board... Ma’am...”

The combination

Thump, thump, thump: in three seconds, three perfect punches land on his shoulder. He instinctively covers his shoulder with his hand, and the next two land on his hand. Her bare knuckles hit his bare knuckles, and a characteristic, indescribable sound comes out.

The moment of clarity

Somehow, in this moment of adrenaline, he has a moment of clarity, and screams, “SORRY!”

The decision

“Go back and sit.”

At the front of the class, a boy clutches his shoulder with both hands, eyes screwed shut, yelling a huge ‘SORRY!’ in a comic burst. Beside him Waheeda Miss, holding a copy of English Literature, smiles calmly and points him back to his bench. A ‘Round 7’ card hangs on the wall.
Round 7A moment of clarity. The decision was in before he reached his bench.

The Other Corner

fair, and on your side

Besides being angry, she was one of the fairest and most empathetic teachers around.

If someone was struggling in English, she would recommend books to read and give tips on improving. She recommended Julius Caesar to me. Then she had a deep look at me, and recommended a particular edition of it: one with Shakespeare’s original English on one side of the page and plain English on the other.

In warm afternoon light, Waheeda Miss sits at her desk and shows a schoolboy an open copy of Julius Caesar with Shakespeare’s lines on the left page and ‘In plain English’ on the right. Books on Shakespeare and Drama are stacked beside her, and a hockey stick leans in the corner.
Fig. 3Shakespeare on the left, plain English on the right. She had a deep look at me first.

The Stride

one of hers, three of mine

She always carried a light smile on her face. Not very wide; a slight smile.

She was a former hockey player and had all the attributes of an athlete. Her stride was long and she moved very fast. Once I had to walk with her, carrying some books. For her it was a gentle walk. I was actually jogging just to keep up.

For her it was a gentle walk. I was actually jogging just to keep up.
Roadwork, with books

No Lies

exam supervisor

She did not like lies. So if she was the exam supervisor, it was advisable to fail that paper rather than try to cheat or copy.

If you were caught... just imagine. Talking was five punches. Copying would be, what, fifty?

So pretty much no one tried it.

An examination hall. Waheeda Miss stands at the front with her arms folded and a slight smile, in front of a blackboard reading ‘The Tariff: Talking 5, Copying 50’. Every student writes with eyes down, except one boy at the front who is quietly slipping a chit back into his pocket.
Fig. 4The tariff, posted in advance. One chit goes back in the pocket, unused.

— Vinaay Patil

Official Result

Class VIII English, every single time

  • Round 1: Silence
  • Round 2: Stare
  • Round 7: Sorry
  • Winner, by unanimous decision: English
No rematch requested

Days Under the Crescent Sun

Stories from school days and a 1990s Pune childhood: plans that were too clever, teachers who were never questioned, and the people who made it all bearable.

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